Write A Screenplay In Five (Maybe Five And A Half) Days?

Was I thinking? Not even "what was I thinking," just was I thinking at all? I can't do this - it's outrageous. Here I am at day half, staring the rest of the five down the throat thinking there are not enough Oreos in the world to enable me to pull this off. And so, of course, I have to try. To not try at this point would be (and I think you already know that I'm going to say...) pointless.

Preparation. I'm not even sure how you get ready for something like this, but I've got some unfounded and completely made-up ideas:

1. You need to have completed a beat sheet. Done

2. You need to have completed a 40 scene breakdown. Done

3. You need to have identified the six main ideas you want to get across in this movie and five examples for each of how you plan to accomplish that in your script. Say what?

Explaining number 3: I pretty much came up with this, so keep that in mind as I give you a very confident explanation of why it is so important that you do this made-up thing I just made up. You need to figure out what you want in your movie that is going to make it awesome. You don't need to know how you're going to fit it in there, just that it will be in there. It's like when you watch a movie trailer, you get this collection of disconnected scenes that give you a sense of what the movie is. You're introduced to a character, they have a few lines, then another character, then both characters are arguing for a few lines, then suddenly they're running down an ally together, then they're talking to this crazy guy with a lab coat on, something explodes, then they almost kiss, car chase, running, jumping, for real kissing, smash to titles, then end with the crazy guy saying something hilarious. You have no idea what's going on, but boy do you want to see this movie. I want to see this movie, and I just made it up (I am out of control with this making stuff up thing).

So that is a really complicated way of saying you just want to narrow down six main ideas and then think of individual little snippets that you would stick in a trailer for this movie to get that idea across. For example, my six ideas are:

1. Anne is a pushover

2. Jeffery is arrogant

3. Baby daddy is stupid (but oh so hot)

4. The aliens are dangerous

5. The action is cool

6. The romance is complicated

Then I can take one of those at a time and put down five things from the movie (stuff I haven't written yet) that are examples of that idea. It doesn't have to be really specific at first. For example, under "the action is cool" I have "bike chase: Jeffery's bike is actually a scooter." So, at some point in this thing, Jeffery is going to get into a chase on his scooter, and I imagine I'll work in some comedic element having to do with Jeffery always acting like he drive a motorcycle, and then we find out it's just a scooter. I don't know, something like that. Under that same heading I also just have the word "guns" and "foot chase." I know I want guns and a foot chase in this thing, I'm just not sure where yet. This is making you all nervous, isn't it?

Another way to look at this is to think of it as if you've already seen this movie and you're sitting around talking about it, or better yet arguing about it. If someone is arguing with you that the movie's action wasn't cool, or that Anne's character wasn't really that much of a pushover, what specific scenes from the movie could you bring up to prove them wrong. Now, go write those scenes! It's really just as simple as time travel of the mind. Hypothetical time traveling with the confines of your own conscience. Creating a tangent universe where you've already written your screenplay, then going there to argue with yourself about it, then coming back and writing a better version of it, even though it technically doesn't exist yet... I think we're done here.

Wish me luck.

You know what, screw luck, wish me to lose three pounds even though I just know I'm going to be eating like crap. That would be something.