Wind, Gone. Sails, Deflated.

I was doing just fine yesterday. I had ten pages done before 7pm, which for the first ten pages isn't bad. Then this happened:

Apparently, Officer Captain Team America thought I was negligent of the rules of the road when I went through a yellow light at 95th and Quivira. He gave me a ticket in spite of the fact that, last I heard, going through a yellow light is not a crime. Now, according to Officer Captain Team America John Walsh Dunkin, I went through a red light. Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. In court. On August 18th at 5:30pm. Oh yeah, I'll be there, and I've got plenty of Law and Order court case viewings under my belt, so I hope you're prepared for some of the best-laid defense strategies of your life, buddy.

So, needless to say, this put me in a very non-writerly mood as I spent the rest of the night researching traffic law and proper court decorum. Which brings me to the sad realization that all my great plans may be destroyed by chance and circumstance. Add to that the stress I've imposed on myself to get it all done in five days, stress which does little to aid the writing process.

And I have to get a tb test today for nursing school. Bleh.

Back to this traffic ticket, because I am still really upset about it. I've never gotten a ticket in my life (except when I was 17, and I got that taken off my record). So, technically, I've never been given a ticket in my life. I'm a good driver - a great driver some would say (by "some" I mean me). I feel the only way to get over this is to change what happened. I'm going to do that now. Here's what happened:

Officer CTAJWD: Do you know why I pulled you over? It's because you ran that red light.

Me: I know. (literally, that's what I said. I was sooooo pissed).

Officer: Well, you know, the roads are wet and that was dangerous, so... I don't know why you ran a red light with a cop right behind you. Not really smart.

Me: I agree.

Officer: Okay, well, sit tight. I'll be right back.

And then he leaves to write me a ticket. Uuuuugh, it makes me so mad. Here's the new version of what happened:

Officer: You know why I pulled you over?

Me: No, but I'm pretty sure you're gonna tell me.

Officer: It's because you ran a red light.

Me: Actually, I'm positive that I didn't run a red light.

Officer: Well, you know, the roads are wet and that was dangerous, so...

Me: Actually, the fact that the roads are wet is why I did not attempt to stop for the yellow light. I had no desire to slam on my breaks and hydroplane into the intersection, potentially causing a crash that would have been a lot more dangerous than just clearing the intersection before the light turned red.

Officer: I don't know why you ran a red light with a cop behind you. Not really smart.

Me: You know what's not really smart? Whatever mental road map your brain follows that would lead you to think anyone would intentionally break the law when they know full well there's a cop behind them. Seriously, what would make you think that? Do you think people in general are that stupid, or are you just referring to me? Is this a sex thing? I'm stupid because I'm a girl? Because I look like I'm 21? Every 21 year old girl is a moron, is that it?

Officer: Okay, well, sit tight. I'll be right back.

So, in this reality, I still get the ticket, but at least I didn't let my pissed-of-edness get the better of my rapier wit! Can't wait until I see this guy again in court. I will destroy him!

Write A Screenplay In Five (Maybe Five And A Half) Days?

Was I thinking? Not even "what was I thinking," just was I thinking at all? I can't do this - it's outrageous. Here I am at day half, staring the rest of the five down the throat thinking there are not enough Oreos in the world to enable me to pull this off. And so, of course, I have to try. To not try at this point would be (and I think you already know that I'm going to say...) pointless.

Preparation. I'm not even sure how you get ready for something like this, but I've got some unfounded and completely made-up ideas:

1. You need to have completed a beat sheet. Done

2. You need to have completed a 40 scene breakdown. Done

3. You need to have identified the six main ideas you want to get across in this movie and five examples for each of how you plan to accomplish that in your script. Say what?

Explaining number 3: I pretty much came up with this, so keep that in mind as I give you a very confident explanation of why it is so important that you do this made-up thing I just made up. You need to figure out what you want in your movie that is going to make it awesome. You don't need to know how you're going to fit it in there, just that it will be in there. It's like when you watch a movie trailer, you get this collection of disconnected scenes that give you a sense of what the movie is. You're introduced to a character, they have a few lines, then another character, then both characters are arguing for a few lines, then suddenly they're running down an ally together, then they're talking to this crazy guy with a lab coat on, something explodes, then they almost kiss, car chase, running, jumping, for real kissing, smash to titles, then end with the crazy guy saying something hilarious. You have no idea what's going on, but boy do you want to see this movie. I want to see this movie, and I just made it up (I am out of control with this making stuff up thing).

So that is a really complicated way of saying you just want to narrow down six main ideas and then think of individual little snippets that you would stick in a trailer for this movie to get that idea across. For example, my six ideas are:

1. Anne is a pushover

2. Jeffery is arrogant

3. Baby daddy is stupid (but oh so hot)

4. The aliens are dangerous

5. The action is cool

6. The romance is complicated

Then I can take one of those at a time and put down five things from the movie (stuff I haven't written yet) that are examples of that idea. It doesn't have to be really specific at first. For example, under "the action is cool" I have "bike chase: Jeffery's bike is actually a scooter." So, at some point in this thing, Jeffery is going to get into a chase on his scooter, and I imagine I'll work in some comedic element having to do with Jeffery always acting like he drive a motorcycle, and then we find out it's just a scooter. I don't know, something like that. Under that same heading I also just have the word "guns" and "foot chase." I know I want guns and a foot chase in this thing, I'm just not sure where yet. This is making you all nervous, isn't it?

Another way to look at this is to think of it as if you've already seen this movie and you're sitting around talking about it, or better yet arguing about it. If someone is arguing with you that the movie's action wasn't cool, or that Anne's character wasn't really that much of a pushover, what specific scenes from the movie could you bring up to prove them wrong. Now, go write those scenes! It's really just as simple as time travel of the mind. Hypothetical time traveling with the confines of your own conscience. Creating a tangent universe where you've already written your screenplay, then going there to argue with yourself about it, then coming back and writing a better version of it, even though it technically doesn't exist yet... I think we're done here.

Wish me luck.

You know what, screw luck, wish me to lose three pounds even though I just know I'm going to be eating like crap. That would be something.

A Crazy Outrageous, Almost Sacrilegious Plan To Write A Screenplay In Five Days (Maybe Five And A Half Days)

Yeah, that's about it. Summer school ends on Wednesday, and a week after that I leave for awesome island vacation/sister's wedding. After I get back, nursing school starts (blast you, nursing school!). I'll probably need the day before we leave to pack and buy airline appropriate sizes of hygiene products I already have, so that leaves basically five days to get this thing done (five and a half, maybe). Gentlemen, place your bets.

I'm both excited and terrified by this prospect. As I see it, this can go two ways: either my mind will be so freed by the fact that it has no expectations on it but to write a fantastic screenplay (no school, no work, probably no personal grooming) that it will spew out literary brilliance the likes of which the world has never seen, or my brain will seize up like a car engine that's run out of oil (I guess in this metaphor, the engine is my brain and the oil is...Oreos?). So yeah, I guess I'll just stock up on Oreos.

Can she do it!? Can such a plan ever really work? Should it even be attempted - can it be safe? Because I am literally the only person in the history of time to attempt to write a full-length, first draft screenplay in five days. Ever.

I'm probably going to gain some weight here.

Do I Have To Answer Every Single Question Before I Start Writing This Screenplay?

There's basically two school of thought on this: the "yes you do" theory, and the "no, no you don't." I just don't know which one is the right answer. I can see the merit in both. By answering all the questions ahead of time, nothing is left to chance. But the problem with answering it all beforehand is that nothing is left to chance. Have I made the dilemma painfully obvious yet?

I mean, the core questions are answered. Who are the main characters, what is their goal, what's the ending? The more minute details are really what's left, like for example, what exactly is plan A, and why does it fail? Okay, that seems kind of big now that I wrote it down. I mean, I have a general idea of what plan A entails, but no real details. Same with plan B, actually.

Okay, so I probably have to figure those two plot points out a little more before starting, but where does it end? At what point do I stop answering questions and start writing this thing. What needs to be planned, and what needs to come organically out of the story writing process, if anything? I like the idea of knowing everything about the story before I write it, because then I think it would go a lot smoother, but at the same time I would like the story to kind of take me where it wants to go (oh that sounds sooooo pretentious).

Answers people, please.

Perspective and the Art of Answering Stupid Questions

Sounds like a book title. Maybe I should have gone into motivational speaking; probably would have been less work. I complain a lot.

If you've never had this happen to you, as a screenwriter, eventually it will. You give someone your screenplay to read, the one you've slaved over and given every thought in the world you had to give, and after reading it you get this: "that was pretty good...pause...have you ever thought about doing this story from the perspective of the landlady?" Okay, so get in the frame of mind here - you've just spent like seven months pounding this thing out, and now they want you to rewrite the whole thing from an accessory character's perspective? Really?

This one's classic too: "what if your main character was a girl?" Wha'? Oh sure, I'll just go through and change all the "he's" to "she's" and all the "Bills" to "Veronicas" and it'll be all good. Yeah, no, not quite that easy. You're basically asking me to write a whole new screenplay, just to see what that would be like. That's like saying, "now that you've made lasagna, what if we have veal parmesan for dinner instead?" No! I made lasagna, and that's what we're going to eat. It's a done deal. Maybe if you had said something earlier, like when I was pulling the noodles out of the box, or turning the stove on, but now it's too late - I already made the stuff, and you're gonna eat it!

Of course people don't say these things to send you into a rage. They're just saying it because there's something wrong with your story and they don't know how else to tell you you're a bad writer, so they figure they'll keep you busy for a while and hope the next script will turn out better (I use "you" to take some of the pressure off "me." Makes it sound like I'm not alone, and that you are as bad as I am at this).

So guess what I did? Yeah, that's right, I beat them at their own game. I did a whole beat sheet with my main character, then did a whole other one with my sidekick character. Ha! Take that. "What do you think about writing this from Jeffery's perspective?" BAM! There you go. Already did it.

In addition to being a great way to totally shut those kinds of stupid questions down, it was actually really helpful. I realized part of my timeline was off, and the mental picture I've had of this character has gotten a lot clearer, and changed quite a bit. He's actually his own character now, instead of just being a vehicle for hitting Anne's plot points.

I realize this isn't groundbreaking, and is probably what other writers who are way less lazy than I am do with all their scripts. The only mind I'm blowing here is my own, because I don't really think I've put this much work in before, and I can't help thinking that it is going to pay off, and the prospect of that is really exciting. Hard work. You can't get around it, so just shut it and make something happen.

40 Scene Breakdown - What A Drag!

You know, I miss that feeling; the one from when that screenplay was fresh in my mind, and all the possibilities were both vague and endless. Now I've got this 40 scene thing to plot out, and let me tell you something - it feels a little bit like work. And this is what usually happens with these things and me: I get to this point and I'm all "yeah, I'm totally going to write this whole screenplay out by scenes, real detailed, and that way when I sit down to write it I just go off that," which then turns into "yes, I will definitely do that tomorrow," which turns into "for sure the next day I'm going to do it," and then "wait, I haven't done that yet?" Oh well, I'll just write the screenplay and I'm sure it will turn out fine."

No! It does not turn out fine! It turns into me struggling to make sense of the progression of events and then getting halfway through thinking "gee, it would have been nice to set this up in the beginning, but if I go back and do that, I'll have to change this, and then that can't happen, and why not just forget it. What's for dinner?" Not this time. A 40 scene breakdown may be the biggest killjoy in the lifespan of a screenplay, but it's important. It's like exercise. I loathe doing it, but I love not looking like a marshmallow (I'm very pale, so if I got real fat I imagine it would resemble a marshmallow. Anyway, I don't want to find out).

So I buckled down and white boarded out my 40 scenes. Sure there are too many second act scenes, and the third act only has two lines, but I did it and now it's just a matter of fixing it up, which is much easier than starting from scratch.

So, a lesson to be learned here? I guess. Lessons sound a lot like work. Basically, separate what you feel like doing from what you know is good for you and your screenplay, and just do it. Do it!