Sunday, July 27, 2008

I Am Sooooo Green

I realize this is a marked deviation from my usual, and very strict policy of sticking to the theme of the blog, that is my quest to become a published author. But some things are just too important to be ignored, like our environment. HAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, I'm just kidding. No, seriously though, I did get these bags at Hyvee for $0.99 a piece. They are bright, quite sturdy, and cut down on the use of plastic bags. My groceries actually look better in these things. And, you can fit like twice as much stuff in one of these than a regular plastic bag, and these handles will never break, dropping your glass bottles of spaghetti sauce to burst open on the kitchen floor. The handles are also very thick and wide, unlike the plastic bags, the handles of which stretch under the weight of your cartons of ice cream, creating a thin string of plastic which acts like a tournaquet against your aching fingers. They feel good, they look good, they're good for the environment. You also get $0.04 per bag off your purchase every time you use them. $0.04! Hey, it adds up, okay!

Monday, July 21, 2008

School Shmool

Hang it all, why should I go to school? To better myself? To raise my standard of living? I think I'm good enough already, you're welcome, and my standard of living is high enough. No, today I say nay to it. Nay to school, nay to homework, nay to stuffy classrooms and stuffy professors and stuffy students with over-inflated senses of self-esteem, and nay to the naysayers who would say that I should do otherwise. Today I won't do it. Today I refuse, outright, regardless of what educational convention dictates. Today I stand here and say to you that I am an immovable force against the corruption and money grubbing facilitated by our government through the higher education system. Today I do not yield.

Tomorrow, inevitably, is another story.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Internet Rejection

I imagine literary agent offices to be a busy place, a flurry of papers and fax machines and computers all being overloaded with query letters, like mine, being hastily rejected, like mine. I know agents are busy, and the lackeys that read our lowly query letters even more so, but is it really too much to ask that they actually read the query? Really? Take my most recent rejection as an example:

Dear Joselyn Martin:
Thank you for your query letter. I’m sorry but I’m overwhelmed with fiction submissions and the novel you outline didn’t pique my interest enough to add to my pile of manuscripts. Good luck to you.
Yours,
Mickey Choate

Wait, wait, wait. Fiction? Novel? My manuscript? The word "true" appears right in the title! The query begins "My non-fiction work." Are you telling me that after going to the library to look you up in the Writer's Market, going to your website, doing my homework, crafting a personal query letter, affixing two stamps, one for the return envelope which you didn't even use, you can't even click on the correct rejection template? Really? My reply:

Dear Mr. Choate:
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back with you, but I have spent the time pouring over my manuscript and I cannot agree with your assessment. Try as I may to see this as a fiction manuscript, I can quite clearly recall each detail as it happened to me, and so I am afraid I am forced to differ with you. It is indeed non-fiction. I hope you will understand. The word "novel" also is ill suited for my work, as it is not an actual novel, but again non-fiction. Perhaps this rejection has reached me in error. If so, a reply is not necessary as I am much overwhelmed with my pile of rejections at the moment.
Yours,
Joselyn Martin

I await a reply.