Inglorious = Glorious!

Okay, listen closely, and just trust me on this. Anyone who tells you this movie is not worth seeing has no idea what they're talking about - no idea. Or, they are willfully deceiving you, and I don't know which is worse. For the first fifteen minutes, I'm sitting in this movie thinking "okay, how long can this scene possibly last? If the whole movie is like this, then I don't know if I'm going to - whoa! Did that just happen? Oh, no!" and tension ensues. In fact, this whole movie is a study in proper tension-building. I'm not even a big Tarantino fan; sometimes I just don't get the guy, but this time I did. This time, he blew me away. It takes a genius. Write a twenty minute scene? No problem. Write a twenty minute scene that holds people's attention and ends in such a way that it completely justifies ever second of the time spent building to that point? That takes Tarantino. Watch and understand what it is to take your time and do it right. What it is to wow with skill and words and not just visual tricks of the trade. If you told me you had a fifteen minute stretch of your script where two guys are just sitting at a table talking, I'd tell you to cut that down to three minutes, and have them doing something. But Tarantino does it. I'll never be able to do it, but Tarantino does it. And he does it very well.

Music and Lyrics and Your Script

"I'm coming up only

to hold

you under.

I'm coming up only

to show

you wrong."

-Band of Horses

I love this. I mean, I love Band of Horses, I love the music, and I love-love the lyrics. I don't even get lyrics, usually. I'm not a poem person, I'm not deep like that; I'm either deep in some other way, or I'm not deep at all. But these words, look at them. Say them to yourself. How cool are they? What a weird and clear motivation for someone. "I'm coming up only to hold you under." Oooh. Can you feel it? I imagine there's this guy, and he's drowning, he's going down. And he doesn't have enough energy left to save himself, but then he sees this other guy making it to the top of the water, and he knows this guy, and he knows he can't let that happen. So he finds within himself something that was not there when it was only his life at stake, but there it is when he sees this guy getting away, and he gets himself to the top of the water so that he can put his hand on this guy's head and just push him down into the water. Yikes! What a character! What a wonderful example of a strong, compelling story. Why? Why is he coming up only to hold this other person under? What has this other guy done? What could he possibly have done? And how can I make a movie about it? If only.

Listen to the song. You're going to be a fan.

New Project Anouncement!

A few posts ago, I lamented my sorry state after hearing that my money tree script idea had been written by someone else. However, after relating this dilemma to some other writers, including you my faithful readers, I received overwhelming encouragement to write it anyway. I mean, the other one hasn't been sold, and my treatment of it is so different. But more than all the rationalizing I could ever do on my own, it's pretty much because everyone around me is saying "go for it." I trust you people. So I'm going to go for it.

Thanks.

Goodbye, Goodland!

Well, it's off. My most favoritist script I've ever written is now in the hands of professionals, and I anxiously await their feedback. Kind of. Kind of not. Really, there are two scenarios going on in my head that represents the two possible extremes. In my wildest dreams, it goes something like this:

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Two READERS drudgingly sift through piles of papers. Each script is worse than the last, as evidenced by their frequent sighs. Dropping a particularly bad one, Reader 1 turns to the other.

READER 1

They don't pay me nearly enough for this.

READER 2

Word.

READER 1

I swear, if I read another vampire script I'm going to bite my own wrists open.

READER 2

What if the vampires are cheerleaders?

READER 1

You're joking.

Reader 2 holds up a scripts titled "Bring It On: Blood Lust!" Reader 1 has just enough energy left to roll his eyes.

READER 2

I need a new job.

READER 1

I've lost the will to live.

READER 2

One more script before we throw in.

READER 1

Fine. What about this one.

READER 2

Goodland? Wow, that's actually a decent title.

READER 1

Yeah.

The two Readers thumb through the manuscript.

READER 1

Pages look nice. Good formatting, nice use of white space. Hey, I think they even spell checked!

READER 2

Are you reading this?

READER 1

Why? What is it?

The two give the script more attention. With each turn of the page, the Readers look more and more excited. Their eyes open wider, their backs straighten. Can it be?

READER 1

What action lines! It's as if I'm really there, seeing the whole thing unfold.

READER 2

And the dialogue. So natural, yet hilarious and, at times, riveting!

READER 1

These characters, so three-dimensional. I can't stop reading. I have to know what happens next, and somehow, I don't know how, but I care! My life is suddenly worth living.

READER 2

You're right. This movie has inspired me. I'm going to go back to college and finish my degree.

READER 1

I'm going to go home and spend time with my family.

READER 2

But first, we have to show this to someone.

READER 1

You mean the literary agent who gives us kickbacks to recommend new writers to her?

READER 2

No, not that boss.

READER 1

You mean the studio exec who pads our salary in exchange for floating him exciting new scripts?

READER 2

No. I mean the big one. The Boss.

READER 1

You mean your uncle, Peter Jackson?

READER 2

Yeah. And my second cousin-in-law, George Lucas. He's been looking for a heartwarming comedy.

READER 1

Great! Let's not waste any time!

Energized by their find, the two Readers rush out of the room, leaving their paperwork and their pessimism behind.

FADE OUT

But in the real world, it will more likely go something like this:

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Two READERS sift through piles of papers. One of them sighs.

READER 1

The good ones are getting fewer and farther between.

READER 2

I know. This one has cheerleading vampires in it.

READER 1

Cheerleading vampires? Vampires are hot right now. So are cheerleaders.

READERS 2

Cheerleaders are always hot.

READER 1

Word. Put that one on the maybe pile. What else you got?

READER 2

Here's one about a guy who builds a resort in Austria.

READER 1

Austria? Sounds expensive. Casting would be a nightmare. Shooting would have to be on location.

READER 2

I've never been to Austria. Is that by Germany?

READER 1

Yeah. Hmm... Germany... How about Brats for lunch?

READER 2

Ooh, that sounds good.

READER 1

Cool, let's go.

READER 2

What about this script?

READER 1

Did they send a check with it?

READER 2

Yeah.

READER 1

Good. We can use that money to buy our brats.

READER 2

Sweet!

The two Readers turn to go. In his haste to get his brat, Reader 1 knocks the Goodland script to the floor, where Reader 2 unknowingly kicks it under the rug, where it stays forever.

So, those are the two possibilities, as I see it. As much as I would love for them to go gaga over my script, in all likelihood, they will probably just read it, write notes on it, and return it to me. Which is fine. It's not really fine, but it is. I will learn from it, and become a better writer for it. And eventually, maybe, hopefully, all this learning and growing and improving will turn into something more tangible than the "building of my character."

What I'm Watching (Don't Judge Me!)

Shaking off the crap of yesterday's yesterday (you like that? It means two days ago. Get it? No? No good? Okay), I am pressing forth and bringing you the short list of the very best a non-paying TV viewer can expect right now. Basically, what I'm watching. And away we go:

30 Rock and The Office reruns

Pretty much the best prime time, regular television comedies on right now. Even though I've seen every episode, I can't help but postpone everything else I have to get done in favor of watching Tina Fey almost kiss her cousin, or Dwight sitting down on his gift wrapped chair only to find that there is no chair under it. Actually, right now I'm watching the one where Micheal forms his own paper company and Jim pretends to have relationship issues to play with Andy's head. Good times. It's hard to pick a favorite between these two, which is probably why I bundled them together. But if I had to, I would just say this: I have a Dwight bobble head. What does that tell you? Yeah, 30 Rock is better. It's better than everything.

Blackadder

Okay, so in case you don't know (because I didn't until about two months ago), Rowen Atkinson did more than just Mr. Bean. And as much as I adore Mr. Bean (my dad would let me stay up late so I could watch it with him, and my mom would sit there rolling her eyes every time we busted out laughing, which only made it funnier), I have to say that my favorite is now Blackadder. Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. British comedy from the 80's is pretty much the best thing that ever was. If you've never seen Keeping Up Appearances, then you have no idea what I'm talking about, but if you are fortunate enough to catch public television's broadcasts of the Brit Com Comedy Club, then you know the feeling that comes over you, and you know better than to take a sip of anything until the break between shows (that's right, no commercial breaks on public television. Just pledge drives. Fancy, star-studded, incredibly watchable pledge drives). Oh, and yeah, that's Hugh Laurie up in that photo. Soooo funny.

Nova Science Now

Another shout out to PBS is this show with that guy, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Seriously funny guy. The show is entertaining and informational without being gimmicky. And sometimes there are songs. I like the songs. Come on. I know science is in the title, but it's a good show. If you don't believe me, watch this. Come on, it's cute, and you might learn something.

Legend of the Seeker

Okay, I saved this one for last because I know what your eyes are doing right now, and you can just stop it. We are all allowed one of these types of shows, the kind that are so gloriously awful that they are actually wonderfully good, and this one is mine. And it is just as glorious as the poster suggests. People, I have tried not to watch this show, truth be told I don't really even know when it's on, except that it seems to be on all the time. So, just for you, I did a little research (I went to the Hulu page), and found out some stuff. Here's what you need to know: The Seeker, which is the guy on the guy in the poster, is going to save the world with the help of that lady in the poster, whom he is in love with but can never be with because...I don't want to ruin it for you. Th second season starts in November, and one of the Executive Producers is Sam Raimi (if you don't know this guy, get acquainted, because he's aaaah-sum!). And now, a link to the official sight. You know you want to go, and if you didn't before, I'll tell you this: the guy in the poster, the one with the buff arms, yeah he has an accent. Just wanted to let you know. You're welcome.

An Overall Crappy Day

I had a really enjoyable post planned for today, about what I've been watching on TV lately. I love TV. But that will have to wait, because today was so all around crappy that the only thing to do is ramble shortly about it in a poorly-constructed post and then pout pensively while trying to watch Conan. Three things, really. My skin is bad right now, for starters. Probably the most trivial of the three, but girls you know how it feels when your skin is just not doing its best, and it's as if everything else in life is affected by it. Secondly, Blake Snyder died suddenly. If you don't know who he is, I have his blog linked down there to the right. This guy has taught me almost everything I know in the area of screenwriting. Plus, apparently he was a nice guy. Thirdly, and most suckingly, I've discovered that my big, very exciting screenplay idea I was so looking forward to writing has already been written. Script Shadow posted the idea from a represented writer who has not sold it yet. Basically, it's about a guy who finds a tree that grows actual for real money. That was my idea. I've had the idea since 2004. It was one of my first screenplays, and I never finished it. I finally revamped it, and was ready to go. Then this. They always tell you this will happen to you at some point, and I always thought for some reason it wouldn't happen to me so soon. Oh well. It's a good idea, I hope it gets made at some point and in some form. My form would have been preferable, but that's just the way my day was going anyhow. If it is any consolation to myself, I much prefer my approach to the story concept. But, then again, who doesn't like their own stuff better? Ah, suck.

Suck, suck, suck.

Victory Is Mine!

If you'll please draw your attention to the right of this screen, you will see that the progress bar for Goodland is full! Rejoice! Yes, that's right, Rejoice! I kept with it, resisting the alluring temptation of starting a shiny new script, and here I have a finished product ready to be sent to the real guys, the big guns, the people who take my money and in return crush my dreams with their expert criticism. Ah well. I will savor this moment even in the knowledge of its pending demise. This is what we're supposed to do: write script-edit script-finish script. Rinse. Repeat. And I intend to repeat. I have a new idea I'm really excited about, and as soon as I actually and for real decide to start writing, I'll tell you all about it. For now, cookies, milk, and more Pride & Prejudice & Zombies!