I finally started writing my first draft (yes!). I wrote a whole three pages. Phyoo. Time to take a break. Seriously, those three pages were torture. And they're terrible. So, yeah, really motivated to continue. Luckily, motivation has almost nothing to do with writing. Writing has everything to do with writing, and the actual act exists outside of feeling. I'm doing it right now; writing when I don't feel like it. It's just that what I have to say is so brilliant, I can't just wait around until I feel like blessing the masses with it.
Brilliant - ha! Masses - ha ha!
Slow and steady, and as far as being brilliant is concerned, I know darn well that my particular kind of brilliance comes only after hours and hours of obsessing and reworking and then consulting other people and eventually half steeling other people's brilliance. Okay, so I have yet to be actually brilliant, but that has nothing to do with nothing. As you can see, my full capacity for brilliance is on display here.
Inspiration is a tricky thing. You can't just wait around to do something until you feel inspired to do it, and at the same time, just because you feel inspired to do something doesn't mean you should do it. Right now, I'm inspired to buy a party sized bad of pretzel M&Ms and some trashy magazines, go home and sit on my couch. I'm not trying to be cute here, I in all seriousness feel that those things would make my day. Actually, I know they would, because the last time I ate M&Ms and read a People magazine it was like the best day of my life.
You can't just eat M&Ms and read magazines every day, though. I mean, yes you can, but then you'd be that person who does those things every day and really there's no obvious future in that. Not that I can really see. Unless you made some really funny blog out of it or something, and became famous for it. But you'd have to be really funny or really good looking, or already really rich and I don't really have any of those markets cornered, exactly. So, yeah, actually writing is going to be an important part of the whole being a writer thing for me.
I'm going to write, even when I don't feel like it, and I'm going to keep writing when I feel like stopping. This is how it's always been for me; those spurts of true inspiration are very scarce, probably in part because I've yet to experience much of a return on my investment as far as writing is concerned. I'm working toward a very uncertain and poorly defined goal. The obvious goal is finishing another screenplay, a further goal would be finishing a screenplay that doesn't suck. The end goal is success, but there you have something not very well defined. And temporary. And unlikely.
How's that for motivating?
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