A Word About Agent Queries

In a word, they're frustrating. Be original without being cute, be confident without being cocky, condense the last two years of toiling over a hot laptop into a single paragraph and yet still convey just how brilliant and original your work really is. Impossible. Even with only 31 queries under my belt, I have come to the realization that the little extras you put in there, the catchy first sentence, the references to stuff you found on their website to prove that you've actually been to their website, it all does very little, if anything to increase your chances of capturing their attention. Your work alone must do it, and do it in 4-5 sentences. 46,600 words in 60. Impossible. Well, I'm sick of it. I've decided to cut right to the point. No cheeky little openings, no material-related statistics, just the facts. Here's what I got, here's what it's about, here's who I am, how to contact me, thank you good night. If they like it, they like it, and if they don't (a much more plausible scenario), then hang it all I tried. I put myself out there, even though I am continuous and relentlessly, and sometimes even rudely, rejected. I'll not belabor my plea, which in essence is what a query truly is: a very serious, properly formatted, well-constructed beggar's beg to be singled out among the rest of the masses. Desire without desperation, a plea without pleading. A question without any hope of a favorable answer. Like asking your dad for a new bike when you know, oh you just know good and well, that you're getting your brother's old used up one. You just know it.