Failure Deferred

I give up. I mean really, how much longer am I expected to withstand this constant bludgeoning to my self-esteem? This violent deference, from which I am supposed to glean some kind of constructive criticism. Just as the burning amber of my hope is fanned into a small flame by some show of interest, it is subsequently dowsed with gallons and gallons of icy cold water - snuffed out without any hint of a rekindle (Miriam Altshuler, you broke my heart). Granted, I have only officially received three rejections, but the fourth is on its way, and already, at this very early stage, I almost want to throw my hands up and go back to a life of ambiguity (or return to my life of ambiguity, rather). I know I have to press on, not because anyone is counting on me, but because I can't stand the thought of not succeeding, and as long as I am still engaged in this futile effort, as hopeless as it may be, I have still managed to defer failure.