Austin Film Festival Retrospective: 2 Face

When people started talking about the live script reading of Vince Gilligan's 2 Face, I was thinking to myself "is there really enough there for that Batman villain to get a spinoff?" Ha - not really (actually really, but I'm too embarrassed to admit it now). Okay, in all honesty I did not know what people were talking about and hearing how long the line would be and how early I'd have to get there I was absolutely sure I wasn't going.

And then, of course, I went. Shocking twist!

Talking with people in line, I gathered enough information (without betraying my complete incompetence) to determine that this was a rather famously unproduced comedy script originally written in the 90's. I knew Will Ferrell was there to read for it (everyone knew Will Ferrell was there to read for it) and that was all I could get without blowing my cover.

Thanks to Slackerwood for this picture. Also, Slackerwood, may I use your picture?

The picture above should sufficiently answer your question as to whether waiting in line for two hours was worth the trouble. Without going into details (for fear of losing my life and those I love, I am forbade from details of any sort regarding this stage reading), I'll just say that it's been a while since I laughed so hard. And I'm pretty proud of how often and how hard I laugh. Others are usually just startled.

It's almost impossible at these film festivals (because I've been to two, you know) to determine what to go to and what you can miss without creating an endless void within oneself that will never be filled by anything else. In trying to nail down exactly what it was about this script reading that I was willing to devote four hours of my life (two standing hours) to it, I can only boil it down to this: Will Ferrell, Vince Gilligan, unproduced script. Should those three stars ever align again, I will be there.

Austin Film Festival Retrospective: Nebraska

Standing in line to see a live script reading of Vince Gillligan's 2 Face seems the perfect time for a quick review of something great from AFF 2013. Namely, Nebraska, a movie by Alexander Payne starring Will Forte (yes, movies make for strange bed fellows). Also strange: Forte was good. Like, so good that any hope I had left that The Falconer: The Movie would ever be a thing is all but completely shattered (thanks a lot, Payne). 

Also wonderful was the interview afterwards in which Zach Galifianakis (okay, not actually Zach Galifianakis, but come on; you go around looking like that and expect NOT to be called him?), did an expert job of allowing Forte's genuine personality to show us just how truly funny this guy is. And nice. Definitely a great festival this year; more on that later.

My feet hurt.

About Bikes in Chicago, BECAUSE I CAN!

I snapped this shot and then thought "man, if I didn't have a blog that was exclusively devoted to talking about writing then I'd blog the hell out if this!" Then after accessing my blog I realized my last post was in March. 

March! 

See, a blog isn't about anything if you're not blogging, and so I've decided that this will no longer be a blog exclusively about writing and dropping my phone in the toilet, but rather about whatever I feel is pertinent in the moment. Pertinent to me. In my moment. 

Me me me me me...

Right now, I'm in Chicago trying to figure out a way to necessitate renting a bike for the day. $7 for the whole day! That seems cheap! I mean, only 30 minutes at a time, but still! Did I pack shoes for this? Should I also rent a helmet? Are cars aware of these bikes or am I to just be mercilessly run over?

So, this is it from now on. Whatever I feel like putting here, goes here. Some of my readers will be upset (mom), some excited (mom), but most importantly there will be an actual blog to get either upset or excited about (only my mom reads this blog).

Carpe blog!

Writing Pilot in Three Days (FAIL)

Yes, fail. How one goes from writing seventy-five (that's 75, 7-5 or five and seventy) in three days to only getting through twenty one (21, 2-1, you get it) is beyond my understanding. Or is it? Surely there's a logical explanation, or at least something I could come up with that sounds reasonable.

There is.

Writing is rewriting. I say it over and over, I write it down (and rewrite it - ha! Ha?) but it doesn't quite make its way into the deep recesses of my psyche. The first time I wrote the pilot (see here and here), I was driven by the idea of finishing it. By any means necessary. Even if it sucked. And it did.

This second attempt was different. I wanted something more, something meatier, classy. I threw out everything I felt was gimmicky, plot-wise, and did my darndest to let the characters be likable or hate-able, and let that drive the story. That, my friends, is a lot harder to do. For me.

I'm a plot person. I like a lot of stuff going on, and I like it all to be happening to my main man, or woman. I'll never write a coming-of-age, or a complicated romance, or a subtle adult drama, or a subtle anything for that matter. Two people talking over coffee is my personal worst nightmare scene situation. I want running, jumping, exploding, throwing, laughing and blood all over the place all the time. At the same time, if possible.

This, however, poses some problems when putting my characters into the plot. That's right, that's how I look at it: I have to cram these people-things into my awesome story thing to make the awesome story things happen. So, clearly we can all see what's wrong here.

People don't see movies because of plot; they go to watch characters. These characters have to do something, but essentially we're just there to watch them, to root for them, to feel the things that they are feeling. You could make a movie out of someone buttering toast for two hours, as long as you made it clear that their commitment to the perfect toast was a life and death issue to them. And it should star Liam Neeson (just a suggestion).

Where was I going with this? The point I'm trying to make here, and subsequently force into my pea brain (at first I typed "pee brain" and I was like "that doesn't look right"), is that characters have to exist before the story does. You've heard it said that life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it. That's your story. Ten percent explosions, running, jumping, laughing, screaming, punching, blood spatter and ninety percent character choices.

There's a reason this is difficult. There's a reason most writers give up and never write. There's a reason that I only got twenty-one pages finished in three days, and a reason why each of those pages was intolerably painful and probably complete garbage. But writing is rewriting is writing. Keep saying it, and keep doing it, and one day it will make sense.

Maybe.

No, definitely. Think definitely.  

Writing a TV Pilot in Three Days

I'm doing it again. Same basic show, only much much better. Why, you ask? The virtues of writing the entirety of a given project in a set number of days (a small set, preferably) are not the least bit diminished by the fact that what you write in that short span of time will be complete and utter dreck. Not the least bit diminished.

Maybe slightly diminished.

Regardless. The fact remains that I have seventy-five pages of pure writing, whether or not any of those pages, paragraphs, sentences, or individual words are worth preserving is well beyond the point. However, since most of those pages are not worth saving, I've decided to start over. It's hard looking back at all the work that you were so proud of at the moment you finished and realizing that there's really, really not much to actually be proud of.

Fact: the first draft of pRN the TV pilot contains the following maladies...

1. Dialogue that mirrors precisely the action that is taking place;

2. Two people sitting there talking with nothing else going on;

3. Freeze frames;

4. Flashbacks;

5. Las Vegas, mob bosses, cross dressing, Celine Dion and general piss-poor dialogue.

So, yeah, a little left of focused on this one. I think the thought here was "more is more and less is boring." It's easy to just throw everything in on the first attempt, a kind of padding of the editing process. If I put a bunch of stuff in there that I only remotely care about, I can insulate my favorite parts from getting cut by me.

For this endeavor, I need to focus. What is this series about, or perhaps more importantly who is this series about? The highest mark you can hit with any series is to establish characters that people actually care about. What those characters do should be interesting too, but almost everything about the story should serve to illuminate the qualities of your individual characters.

Honestly, I'm crap at this. I like story, plot, structure and formula. My writing is cookie-cutter predictable with only the occasional slices of ingenuity and original humor. I'm good at making the story about something, but making it about someone proves more difficult. The something of this story is important to me, but the someone (or someones) needs to feel equally as important, because it is. That's what this draft is for.

So, here's how I've set myself up for success:

1. Outline is ready. It's a completely new outline, though it utilizes plot points from the previous outline.

2. Days are free. I've got three days in a row this week with nothing to do but write, and those around me are well aware that I will be unavailable (and probably highly irritable) during this time.

3. Fridge is full. Food goes in mouth, fingers go on keyboard. Important not to mix that up.

4. Apartment is clean. Kind of. I'm working on it.

5. Expectations are set. I've all but guaranteed those interested (mom) that I will have a second draft completed by the end of these three days. Failure or success; there's no middle ground here.

Let's do this. Tuesday. Because I work tomorrow, so... 

List of Possible Factors Contributing to Successful Completion of Television Pilot

As previously mentioned here, I wrote a TV pilot. In three days. Impressed? You should be (seriously, be impressed; you've no idea how much I seek your approval). Being that my success in this matter defies the very conventions of writers everywhere (that is, deferring any actual writing until it becomes absolutely necessary, and then procrastinating), I have compiled a list of possible contributing factors that may have been influential to my success. They may also have nothing to do with it. But lists are my favorite!

Also, I'm going to present this list in such a way that it appears to be a fool-proof method by which anyone may produce the same results, specifically write a TV pilot in three days. I don't mean to imply that there is any guarantee this will work, but the inference might mistakenly be made.

A Fool-Proof Method by Which Anyone May Produce a TV Pilot in Three Days. Guaranteed.

1. Clean your space. I don't mean tidy up a bit, I mean tidy up, sweep, dust, dishes done, bathroom hairless, sinks unclogged and living space feng shui'ed. 
2. Tell everyone what you're about to do. Text, email and tweet this madness; make sure everyone knows you are unavailable, even in emergencies. 
3. Stock the kitchen. I don't mean have a loaf of bread and some peanut butter on hand, I'm talking real oatmeal, spinach salads, pasta, fruit, granola and yogurt - you're not going to send yourself into a sugar coma and sleep for hours, so you need actual sustainable nutrition. You need to stock up because...
4. You're not leaving the house. "But I write better in nature," "I like my coffee shop," "I need an audience;" no, you don't. You're going to sit there, at your desk, on your couch or in front of that window that overlooks the lake until you are finished. Then, and only then, may you rejoin civilization and be among its people.
5. Want it. None of this works unless you really want it. Want it like you need it, like it's the one thing that is going to give your life meaning. Okay, maybe not your whole life, but the next few months at least. Because you're going to be editing this thing for the next few months (don't think about that right now; just get it done). 

That's pretty much it. I mean, I don't know; this could have been a fluke, but that is pretty much exactly what I did and it worked. Ultimately, and contrary to everything you've read up to now, I'm not actually advocating this as the one true way to go about it. I think what I'm saying here is I found a system that made sense to me and has brought success. Other systems haven't worked, this one did. Find your system. Figure out what works for you; just figure something out, because it's too important and you want it too much to just not write it. 

Want it. Write it. Do it. My way - wait, no - your way. Yeah. Your way. 

And On the Third Day, She Had A Television Pilot

I just wrote a pilot. In three days. I don't mean I had an idea for a pilot, or I'm working on a pilot; what I mean to say is exactly this: I have a pilot. It's here, on this computer. I wanted to write one, I set aside time to write it and at the end of that predetermined time period it was written. Just like that. This leaves me with only one question:

How did I do this?

The great illusion about writers is that most of us who claim to be writers don't actually write. I mean, we write, of course we do; allow me to rephrase: we don't finish things. I can't tell you how many scripts I have saved on my computer with just a first act, or even two acts, and some seem to be completed but don't make any earthly sense. Finishing things is hard. Which brings me back to my question: how did I do this?

Let me set the stage. In October I had an idea for a television show. I threw it out to a few friends and even a couple strangers, all of whom seemed genuinely interested in this idea. So I stuck it on the mental shelf for January, because that's when you start new things you think to do in October. Plus I was finishing another project which was never going to get finished.

As an aside, it is okay to find yourself in the middle of a movie script going "there's nothing here" and just scrap it; don't waste your time and energy if it's not working. However, if you consistently find yourself doing this then you have a problem, and it is most likely with your story. It's not good, and nobody cares. Or rather, it's not good because nobody cares. If you don't care enough to finish, then why do I care enough to watch the thing?

And we're back. In January my previous project was still unfinished (spoiler alert: it will never be finished), so I decided to start brainstorming the TV show in February. February 1st, on the dot, I sat down and began laying the groundwork for what would become a detailed spreadsheet of information about this show, including a character list, broad Act outline, beat sheet and a Questions and Answers section (where I, you guessed it, asked myself questions that then I myself answered them).

Looking at my work schedule I realized that the last week of February was absolutely screwed, so to keep with my original intention of having a rough draft by March 1st I would have to write this thing soon. I had a three day window of nothingness, so I took it. I shirked every other responsibility, ate like a moron, still showered (I feel that is important to note since many writers don't feel that is important) and at the end I had the thing I most desired: my pilot. My beautiful, 74 page pilot (I know, I know; I'll cut stuff out in rewrites).

You know what else is crazy? This is the third day. Right here. Now. It's day three, I've already finished my pilot and I'm still writing stuff. I have got to get to the bottom of this! I mean, what the hell? Where was this...ever? If I wrote seven pages in a single day I'd be like "wow, look at you, you big writer genius," and for the past three days I've averaged about 25 pages. Twenty-five (25). Five and twenty.

If I can figure this out, if I can dissect and define the impetus to this seemingly impossible surge of literal energy then what can't I accomplish? I mean, literally speaking; I'm not going to go run a marathon or something, those people are crazy. It's just so strange that this uncontrollable feeling to write doesn't directly translate to the act of writing stuff. And when it does, I'm so baffled by it.

For the good of myself, and those like myself (generally speaking), I will identify and compose a list of contributing factors that I believe led to this great accomplishment (I sometimes wonder if real writers ever stumble upon this blog and then get really pissed when I talk like this). I'm going to figure this voodoo out!  List pending.