Small Creative Thought Makes it Past Layers of School-Drenched Brain Matter, Heralded as Huge Success

Today I made a note on my whiteboard:

"Fight scene somewhere before page 50!"

I'm proud of that note.

Two Movies That Have Left Me Very Conflicted Of Late

Okay, so this is exactly the kind of movie I like to watch when I just need a break from the entire world. I cozy up in a chair with my glass of milk and a Nutty Bar, slap my headphones on and fire up the Netflix. Genre: period pieces. That's what I do. The cover of this one sold me instantly. I mean, look at all the information you get from just looking at it: she's pretty and obviously gets to marry that guy, who is way gorgeous in addition to having this serious and brooding quality, though void of the self-loathing that usually accompanies it. Then you've got the title, which immediately brings up grade school lessons from world history and you remember that Victoria was a young but well beloved queen and you think to yourself "how can this movie go wrong?"

Well, it does and it doesn't.

I mean, it essentially gets it all done. We see the young pre-queen Victoria and how her life was run by others. Then we have the young man who's family pushes him into winning her for political gain, then it turns out he actually does like her, but then there's this other older guy who she seems to be listening a whole lot to after she becomes queen and so where does that leave our brooding gentleman? Well, no worries because she gets over it and comes to her senses about the young man and does marry him, but then you've got the conflict of her being a queen and he just a prince and so there's a power struggle between them which is only escalated by the fact that he really does know better how to run the country but she takes that as an affront to her gender and all the preconceived ideas regarding that. But, once again, everything gets resolved after he saves her life (yeah, he totally jumps in front of a bullet for her - I love that crap). And it's all based on true events, so you're left with an even better feeling knowing that it may actually have happened that way, leaving open the very minuscule possibility that it may possibly even happen to you someday (even though you live in a democracy, are already married and statistically speaking there's a greater chance you'll be shot by your spouse rather than saved from being shot by him).

So, it's all there - every element you need in a historical romance drama. And yet, it falls flat somehow. It's very frustrating having to admit, because in a movie like this I am willing to suspend so much judgment and critique, and yet there were things I just couldn't let go. Like, for example, the struggle for Victoria's affection between the older politician Lord M and young, serious Albert. The way the writers went about this was exactly right: introduce the one you want her to be with early on (this would be Albert, of course, being introduced before she is queen), then create a huge change in her life (King dies, she succeeds to the crown), then introduce older wiser character with obvious ulterior motives to take her under his wing (Lord M), and a conflict is built in.

Then you have to make it apparent to the first suitor that there is now competition, and here's where I think they got a little muddled. They set it up like this: Victoria and Lord M have a scene together where he spouts off some idea that is obviously new to her; the next scene she's telling Albert "well, Lord M says this, and that and so on," and you see in Albert's eyes that he doesn't like this Lord M fellow. I guess that's fine, but just watching the movie I'm not completely convinced of Lord M's influence over her.

What would be more solidifying is this: Lord M spouts off new idea to Victoria, next scene Victoria spouts it off to Albert as if it were her own, Albert realizes this doesn't sound like her and suspects there is someone else behind it, which would be substantiated when he finally meets Lord M and hears him talk. Lord M's influence appears that much stronger if Victoria is stating his ideas as if they were her own. Then we know for sure what Albert only suspects, which makes us fear for him all the more because he doesn't know just how close he is to losing her. So instead of having just the one obstacle of winning her back, he has the added obstacle of having to find out that he does indeed have to win her back. The more obstacles, the more we a the audience can feel the doubt that allows us to fear for the characters we love the most. The more we fear for our beloved characters, the sweeter the victory when they succeed.

The takeaway for me here is this: place as many obstacles in front of your character's final goal so that your audience can really fear for them. We like to fear for our favorites, we really do, because once again it makes it that much sweeter when they really do succeed.

Changing the subject:

I do not want to like Ben Affleck. I just don't. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with this movie. It's pretty much perfect; even he's perfect in it. And there's the conflict. I really just wanted Ben Affleck to disappear into the has-been, had-one-good-movie-but-that's-over-now abyss. Then he goes and does something like this. And he doesn't just star in it, he flippin' goes and directs and co-writes the thing. It actually kind of pisses me off. Nicely played, Affleck. I hate your guts.

The Necessity Of A Writers' Group For Motivation And Overall Results

I think I've been pretty clear about the fact that I'm in school right now. Going to be a nurse. Yeah. So, some weeks the only creative writing I get done is sitting at a coffee shop across from Ditty sucking down some very inspiring caffeinated beverage. This is usually good for about five pages. Five pages a week is not exactly flying, but managing a snail's pace while maneuvering the very demanding world of medical academics is what it is. And frankly, it's better than a lot of other screenwriters who are less busy than myself (oh, and you know it).

All this is to say that a writers' group is important. It provides consistency, an environment removed from your other responsibilities, and at least one other person with which to share a common goal (which should keep you from completely losing your mind). It doesn't need to be fancy. Some of the time it's just me and Ditty, sometimes there's three of us, but it doesn't really matter. This is a time set apart for you to write.

"But couldn't I just do it alone? Why do I need someone else there? I don't like people."

Why must you plague me with these questions? The other person is not only a social outlet and a partner in crime, but also creates an expectation. In that moment when you're sitting at home, thinking about going to that coffee shop to write, you may want to take a nap instead except that you know someone is waiting for you and if you don't show up you'll have to make an excuse, plus they'll be kind of mad at you for standing them up and you'll have to deal with the intricacies of correcting that wrong so you might as well get up and go. See how that works?

If you write, I know you know others who write too. So, pick one or two you can stand and set a recurring day and time and location and get to it.

No Title, No Problem. No Problem?

Rounding page 35 and I still don't have a title. No working title, nothing. I've always had a title; it's always just jumped out as a result of outlining the plot. This time, not so much. Here's my problem with this: I feel like my story is pretty straightforward (pregnant woman, baby daddy and super smart scientist must thwart a microscopic alien invasion while maneuvering the complicated relationship between the three of them - oh yeah, and make it super funny), but how straightforward can it be if I can't think of a working title for this thing? It should just be there. The other problem: all the best titles for alien funny movies have been taken in some way. I think of fun titles, but they're already out there.

Example 1: Aliens!

Well, this just brings up visions of Sigourney Weaver with a big gun and sweatin' like a beast.

Example 2: Aliens Attack! (I like exclamation marks in titles. Makes it look so exciting).

Well, this is obviously a rip off of Mars Attacks!, one of the funniest movies featuring poorly done CGI of green alien characters ever made.

Example 3: Alien Movie

This sounds like a parody of serious alien movies.

Example 4: Three's Company

Well, obviously.

Example 5: Insecure Pregnant Woman Fights Microscopic Aliens With The Help Of, And While Trying To Choose Between, Her Young Dumb Baby Daddy And An Appropriately Aged, Intelligent But Standoffish Scientist.

Yeah, that's just not going to fit on the poster.

Help.

Court Date Set, School Begins, Alien Comedy Trudges On

All that and I've seemed to have lost my desire to eat well. If I get anything besides pretzel M&Ms in my body before noon it will be a miracle. I blame yesterday, actually. Yesterday was a bang up day. First, I went to the dentist, who shoved horseshoes full of goop into my mouth until it plugged up the back of my throat. "Breath through your nose," he kept saying. These impressions are for a functional retainer, since it has recently come to my attention that my teeth are not completely straight. They're straight, but they could be straighter. One year in a functional retainer ought to do the trick, so there I was and here I am and there I will be a year from now with perfectly straight teeth that no one will notice but me.

Second, I went to my first day of my last year of nursing school. Orientation was a blitz of assignments and warnings about doing well and conducting myself as a proper student. Yesterday I had two things on my calendar, "dentist" and "court;" now I have a full week every week for the rest of the school year. A full calendar is a terrible thing. Just terrible.

Thirdly, and last off, I went to the Municipal Court to file my plea of "not guilty" to a traffic violation accusing me of running a red light (see previous post for grueling details). I have a court date in October, at which time I will present such evidence as will convince the judge that I did not do it (basically, I will provide evidence that it had rained that day, allude to my perfect driving record, and pray to fate that the cop doesn't show). The real problem now is what should I wear?

All that, and I still found time to write five more pages of my screenplay.

"But you were supposed to have that finished by now!"

Yes, I know. I had planned to write it in five days, and probably had everyone including myself convinced that I could do it, too. Alas, things and stuff and events unforeseen, and now I have 30 pages of a potentially good screenplay.

"30 pages! Is that it?!"

Well, I know it doesn't sound like much, considering my goal was 100 pages by last week. I am disappointed in myself for not getting it all done, but really at this point I think focusing on my shortcomings is not the best way to motivate myself to continue forward, especially with how busy I'm going to be this next year.

"You're a crooked-toothed failure!"

Wow. That's very harsh, and frankly a little personal. And I'm getting the tooth thing fixed, so let's just put that to rest right now.

I'm trying. Right now, try is all I got.

Wind, Gone. Sails, Deflated.

I was doing just fine yesterday. I had ten pages done before 7pm, which for the first ten pages isn't bad. Then this happened:

Apparently, Officer Captain Team America thought I was negligent of the rules of the road when I went through a yellow light at 95th and Quivira. He gave me a ticket in spite of the fact that, last I heard, going through a yellow light is not a crime. Now, according to Officer Captain Team America John Walsh Dunkin, I went through a red light. Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. In court. On August 18th at 5:30pm. Oh yeah, I'll be there, and I've got plenty of Law and Order court case viewings under my belt, so I hope you're prepared for some of the best-laid defense strategies of your life, buddy.

So, needless to say, this put me in a very non-writerly mood as I spent the rest of the night researching traffic law and proper court decorum. Which brings me to the sad realization that all my great plans may be destroyed by chance and circumstance. Add to that the stress I've imposed on myself to get it all done in five days, stress which does little to aid the writing process.

And I have to get a tb test today for nursing school. Bleh.

Back to this traffic ticket, because I am still really upset about it. I've never gotten a ticket in my life (except when I was 17, and I got that taken off my record). So, technically, I've never been given a ticket in my life. I'm a good driver - a great driver some would say (by "some" I mean me). I feel the only way to get over this is to change what happened. I'm going to do that now. Here's what happened:

Officer CTAJWD: Do you know why I pulled you over? It's because you ran that red light.

Me: I know. (literally, that's what I said. I was sooooo pissed).

Officer: Well, you know, the roads are wet and that was dangerous, so... I don't know why you ran a red light with a cop right behind you. Not really smart.

Me: I agree.

Officer: Okay, well, sit tight. I'll be right back.

And then he leaves to write me a ticket. Uuuuugh, it makes me so mad. Here's the new version of what happened:

Officer: You know why I pulled you over?

Me: No, but I'm pretty sure you're gonna tell me.

Officer: It's because you ran a red light.

Me: Actually, I'm positive that I didn't run a red light.

Officer: Well, you know, the roads are wet and that was dangerous, so...

Me: Actually, the fact that the roads are wet is why I did not attempt to stop for the yellow light. I had no desire to slam on my breaks and hydroplane into the intersection, potentially causing a crash that would have been a lot more dangerous than just clearing the intersection before the light turned red.

Officer: I don't know why you ran a red light with a cop behind you. Not really smart.

Me: You know what's not really smart? Whatever mental road map your brain follows that would lead you to think anyone would intentionally break the law when they know full well there's a cop behind them. Seriously, what would make you think that? Do you think people in general are that stupid, or are you just referring to me? Is this a sex thing? I'm stupid because I'm a girl? Because I look like I'm 21? Every 21 year old girl is a moron, is that it?

Officer: Okay, well, sit tight. I'll be right back.

So, in this reality, I still get the ticket, but at least I didn't let my pissed-of-edness get the better of my rapier wit! Can't wait until I see this guy again in court. I will destroy him!

Write A Screenplay In Five (Maybe Five And A Half) Days?

Was I thinking? Not even "what was I thinking," just was I thinking at all? I can't do this - it's outrageous. Here I am at day half, staring the rest of the five down the throat thinking there are not enough Oreos in the world to enable me to pull this off. And so, of course, I have to try. To not try at this point would be (and I think you already know that I'm going to say...) pointless.

Preparation. I'm not even sure how you get ready for something like this, but I've got some unfounded and completely made-up ideas:

1. You need to have completed a beat sheet. Done

2. You need to have completed a 40 scene breakdown. Done

3. You need to have identified the six main ideas you want to get across in this movie and five examples for each of how you plan to accomplish that in your script. Say what?

Explaining number 3: I pretty much came up with this, so keep that in mind as I give you a very confident explanation of why it is so important that you do this made-up thing I just made up. You need to figure out what you want in your movie that is going to make it awesome. You don't need to know how you're going to fit it in there, just that it will be in there. It's like when you watch a movie trailer, you get this collection of disconnected scenes that give you a sense of what the movie is. You're introduced to a character, they have a few lines, then another character, then both characters are arguing for a few lines, then suddenly they're running down an ally together, then they're talking to this crazy guy with a lab coat on, something explodes, then they almost kiss, car chase, running, jumping, for real kissing, smash to titles, then end with the crazy guy saying something hilarious. You have no idea what's going on, but boy do you want to see this movie. I want to see this movie, and I just made it up (I am out of control with this making stuff up thing).

So that is a really complicated way of saying you just want to narrow down six main ideas and then think of individual little snippets that you would stick in a trailer for this movie to get that idea across. For example, my six ideas are:

1. Anne is a pushover

2. Jeffery is arrogant

3. Baby daddy is stupid (but oh so hot)

4. The aliens are dangerous

5. The action is cool

6. The romance is complicated

Then I can take one of those at a time and put down five things from the movie (stuff I haven't written yet) that are examples of that idea. It doesn't have to be really specific at first. For example, under "the action is cool" I have "bike chase: Jeffery's bike is actually a scooter." So, at some point in this thing, Jeffery is going to get into a chase on his scooter, and I imagine I'll work in some comedic element having to do with Jeffery always acting like he drive a motorcycle, and then we find out it's just a scooter. I don't know, something like that. Under that same heading I also just have the word "guns" and "foot chase." I know I want guns and a foot chase in this thing, I'm just not sure where yet. This is making you all nervous, isn't it?

Another way to look at this is to think of it as if you've already seen this movie and you're sitting around talking about it, or better yet arguing about it. If someone is arguing with you that the movie's action wasn't cool, or that Anne's character wasn't really that much of a pushover, what specific scenes from the movie could you bring up to prove them wrong. Now, go write those scenes! It's really just as simple as time travel of the mind. Hypothetical time traveling with the confines of your own conscience. Creating a tangent universe where you've already written your screenplay, then going there to argue with yourself about it, then coming back and writing a better version of it, even though it technically doesn't exist yet... I think we're done here.

Wish me luck.

You know what, screw luck, wish me to lose three pounds even though I just know I'm going to be eating like crap. That would be something.