A Crazy Outrageous, Almost Sacrilegious Plan To Write A Screenplay In Five Days (Maybe Five And A Half Days)

Yeah, that's about it. Summer school ends on Wednesday, and a week after that I leave for awesome island vacation/sister's wedding. After I get back, nursing school starts (blast you, nursing school!). I'll probably need the day before we leave to pack and buy airline appropriate sizes of hygiene products I already have, so that leaves basically five days to get this thing done (five and a half, maybe). Gentlemen, place your bets.

I'm both excited and terrified by this prospect. As I see it, this can go two ways: either my mind will be so freed by the fact that it has no expectations on it but to write a fantastic screenplay (no school, no work, probably no personal grooming) that it will spew out literary brilliance the likes of which the world has never seen, or my brain will seize up like a car engine that's run out of oil (I guess in this metaphor, the engine is my brain and the oil is...Oreos?). So yeah, I guess I'll just stock up on Oreos.

Can she do it!? Can such a plan ever really work? Should it even be attempted - can it be safe? Because I am literally the only person in the history of time to attempt to write a full-length, first draft screenplay in five days. Ever.

I'm probably going to gain some weight here.

Do I Have To Answer Every Single Question Before I Start Writing This Screenplay?

There's basically two school of thought on this: the "yes you do" theory, and the "no, no you don't." I just don't know which one is the right answer. I can see the merit in both. By answering all the questions ahead of time, nothing is left to chance. But the problem with answering it all beforehand is that nothing is left to chance. Have I made the dilemma painfully obvious yet?

I mean, the core questions are answered. Who are the main characters, what is their goal, what's the ending? The more minute details are really what's left, like for example, what exactly is plan A, and why does it fail? Okay, that seems kind of big now that I wrote it down. I mean, I have a general idea of what plan A entails, but no real details. Same with plan B, actually.

Okay, so I probably have to figure those two plot points out a little more before starting, but where does it end? At what point do I stop answering questions and start writing this thing. What needs to be planned, and what needs to come organically out of the story writing process, if anything? I like the idea of knowing everything about the story before I write it, because then I think it would go a lot smoother, but at the same time I would like the story to kind of take me where it wants to go (oh that sounds sooooo pretentious).

Answers people, please.

Perspective and the Art of Answering Stupid Questions

Sounds like a book title. Maybe I should have gone into motivational speaking; probably would have been less work. I complain a lot.

If you've never had this happen to you, as a screenwriter, eventually it will. You give someone your screenplay to read, the one you've slaved over and given every thought in the world you had to give, and after reading it you get this: "that was pretty good...pause...have you ever thought about doing this story from the perspective of the landlady?" Okay, so get in the frame of mind here - you've just spent like seven months pounding this thing out, and now they want you to rewrite the whole thing from an accessory character's perspective? Really?

This one's classic too: "what if your main character was a girl?" Wha'? Oh sure, I'll just go through and change all the "he's" to "she's" and all the "Bills" to "Veronicas" and it'll be all good. Yeah, no, not quite that easy. You're basically asking me to write a whole new screenplay, just to see what that would be like. That's like saying, "now that you've made lasagna, what if we have veal parmesan for dinner instead?" No! I made lasagna, and that's what we're going to eat. It's a done deal. Maybe if you had said something earlier, like when I was pulling the noodles out of the box, or turning the stove on, but now it's too late - I already made the stuff, and you're gonna eat it!

Of course people don't say these things to send you into a rage. They're just saying it because there's something wrong with your story and they don't know how else to tell you you're a bad writer, so they figure they'll keep you busy for a while and hope the next script will turn out better (I use "you" to take some of the pressure off "me." Makes it sound like I'm not alone, and that you are as bad as I am at this).

So guess what I did? Yeah, that's right, I beat them at their own game. I did a whole beat sheet with my main character, then did a whole other one with my sidekick character. Ha! Take that. "What do you think about writing this from Jeffery's perspective?" BAM! There you go. Already did it.

In addition to being a great way to totally shut those kinds of stupid questions down, it was actually really helpful. I realized part of my timeline was off, and the mental picture I've had of this character has gotten a lot clearer, and changed quite a bit. He's actually his own character now, instead of just being a vehicle for hitting Anne's plot points.

I realize this isn't groundbreaking, and is probably what other writers who are way less lazy than I am do with all their scripts. The only mind I'm blowing here is my own, because I don't really think I've put this much work in before, and I can't help thinking that it is going to pay off, and the prospect of that is really exciting. Hard work. You can't get around it, so just shut it and make something happen.

40 Scene Breakdown - What A Drag!

You know, I miss that feeling; the one from when that screenplay was fresh in my mind, and all the possibilities were both vague and endless. Now I've got this 40 scene thing to plot out, and let me tell you something - it feels a little bit like work. And this is what usually happens with these things and me: I get to this point and I'm all "yeah, I'm totally going to write this whole screenplay out by scenes, real detailed, and that way when I sit down to write it I just go off that," which then turns into "yes, I will definitely do that tomorrow," which turns into "for sure the next day I'm going to do it," and then "wait, I haven't done that yet?" Oh well, I'll just write the screenplay and I'm sure it will turn out fine."

No! It does not turn out fine! It turns into me struggling to make sense of the progression of events and then getting halfway through thinking "gee, it would have been nice to set this up in the beginning, but if I go back and do that, I'll have to change this, and then that can't happen, and why not just forget it. What's for dinner?" Not this time. A 40 scene breakdown may be the biggest killjoy in the lifespan of a screenplay, but it's important. It's like exercise. I loathe doing it, but I love not looking like a marshmallow (I'm very pale, so if I got real fat I imagine it would resemble a marshmallow. Anyway, I don't want to find out).

So I buckled down and white boarded out my 40 scenes. Sure there are too many second act scenes, and the third act only has two lines, but I did it and now it's just a matter of fixing it up, which is much easier than starting from scratch.

So, a lesson to be learned here? I guess. Lessons sound a lot like work. Basically, separate what you feel like doing from what you know is good for you and your screenplay, and just do it. Do it!

I'm Cheating On Microbiology... With A Screenplay!

I have a test tomorrow (I hate the way that sounds), but instead of studying I'm working on my screenplay. I'm having an incredible writing day. I'm like some kind of literary savant right now. I don't know if it's the perceived element of danger that's making my mind work so quick and clear (I just laid out a beat sheet, from scratch, in like thirty minutes flat), or if I'm just super saturated with months and months of creative suppression and it's just now getting a chance to overflow.

I've had a longstanding theory that the best thing you can do for your writing is join a gym, because then your excuse for not working out can be writing. Well, this is even better. You - go sign up for a full credit fall course in Microbiology, or Physiology or something like that, and I give it two weeks before your writing takes off like one of those cube shaped kites that nerds fly for fun. I guess it also helps that I'm writing an alien movie, so every once in a while my teacher will mention something about genetics or spores and on the inside I'm going "plasmids, of course! That's how they do it - they inject the spores via the pilus! It's simple Prokaryotic mutation!"

You know what else is awesome? Finding a new writing spot that nobody knows about. It's like my and my screenplay's cheap motel room, only it's a private study room at the library. I'm in it right now (don't tell anybody). There is nothing in here but a desk, two chairs, an electric typewriter and a whiteboard. And now me, and all my crap. It's beautiful. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I can reserve this room up to two months in advance. I can literally plan appointments with my writing. With no luck at all, this screenplay will be written before fall semester starts. Take that, nursing school. You can't have all of me! Never!

Couldn't Stand That My Last Post Was From Christmas, So...

And I have nothing to say for myself. Nothing. Still working quite slowly on that new script, nursing school still kicking my butt (as I wipe other's butts). Script Frenzy goes on without me. Life goes on without me. This pity party goes on.

I have to hand it to my good friend Ditty (Elizabethan Theatre). As a friend she is patient with me, and as a writer she is prolific and motivating. I think we may be friends forever.

And as long as I'm shoutin' out, here's to Roger over at ScriptShadow. You are like the energizer bunny of encouragement. I don't understand it, but man am I grateful. People who give good advice are often ignored, because good advice usually involves time-consuming methods by which one can reach their goal. Which is why no one takes good advice anymore. Well, I just wanted you to know I'm taking yours. Thanks for it.

Sorry to have been gone so long. Here's a little something for hanging in there:

Funniest. Blog. Ever.

Christmas and Script Criticism Seem Unfit for Each Other

Christmas... yeah. We did it. Moving on.

Got Goodland back from the script readers (I used Act One). Jack read my script, then gave me a call and talked with me for over an hour. It's a hard thing, taking criticism on the first script you really feel proud of. It's even harder when basically everything the guy is saying rings true, and you wonder within yourself at the complete lack of insight which led you to overlook these problems. He had good things to say, they always have good things to say to you. It is disheartening, though, when you begin to realize that these changes they want you to make are exactly the changes you need to make, but for some reason you would never have figured it out on your own. The lights go on, and you completely see it, but you didn't before, and then you wonder why you didn't see it, which inevitably leads you the the conclusion that you may never see it, and maybe seeing is reserved for those really great screenwriters, of which you will never be since you can't see it.

Or maybe it's just a matter of time before I begin seeing it.

Going with that hypothesis, I theorize that it will be at least five more scripts before I begin seeing it. They tell you that it will take 7-8 scripts before you get a good one, and I'm on 3, so I've got 5 to go (check the math - I'm crap at math). This is also disheartening when you consider that I must trudge along for five more scripts, putting my entire effort into it while knowing that what I will be producing in the end is just a means to an end. Kind of takes all the creative energy out of it. I thought my motivation was fickle before, now there will be no living with it. You almost have to fool yourself into thinking that this next script will be the one, even though you know it won't, because it's only number 4. But come on, it's a romantic comedy with aliens, how can that not be the one?

On the up side, I've got the next three scripts all planned out. Ooh, ooh I just thought of a Christmas analogy for this! It's like a Christmas present that you know is perfect, and you save all your pennies for it, then you go out and buy it, wrap it up really nice with the bows and everything, and then you just put it on a shelf because no one is ever going to open it. But it was good practice. I hate to practice. Is it too much to ask that I be good at just one thing without having to actually work so hard at it?