I Learn Real Good Now!

Against my own judgment (the lazier part of it, I'm sure), I have decided to continue my education passed...well...high school and some college coursework. This of course sucks in so very many ways, first of which being that the time I have previously devoted to writing and agent-finding must now be divided between homework, online coursework, studying for online coursework, and getting angry because my online coursework is taking away so much time from my writing and agent-finding. Then there's the financial strain, even being that it is community college they still think very highly of their super high school status. But what really gets me about the whole thing is this idea that unless I spend countless hours and nauseating amounts of money on classroom study that will, on average, prepare me for about 0.01% of the actual skills required to perform the job I intend to pursue, I still can't get said job until I finish this meaningless coursework. Ridiculous! I am confident that if thrown into the very position I will spend innumerable units of energy and years of meaningless lectures on, I would be able to master all that is required of me within a few months. A few months, as opposed to years. And I would be getting paid, instead of paying. But no, the scholarly institutions of our time have struck some kind of sick deal with the government, the state, the underground minions of torturous boredom, wherein all peoples wanting to better themselves (that is, rise above minimum wage) must undergo the punishment that is the continuing educational system. I have revolted against it as long as I could. I am not proud of myself for choosing to jump through these tainted, expensive hoops, but there it is. I will continue to write, continue to seek publication. I will also excel in my studies, all the while hoping against very dismal odds that this backup plan of degrees and regular employment will somehow become the backup plan I didn't have to use after all.

Back!

I spent all of April working feverishly to finish a screenplay, spent the beginning of May rejoicing and recuperating, spent the end of May in Texas, and now that it is June the time has come to leap back into action! The editing process is underway, and most important to this blog, the query letters are ticking once again. Onward and upward. Can't let accomplishment stifle the unbearable longing for yet more accomplishment. Let the rejections start flowing in anew, I will not be detoured!

Did It!

Fade Out. It's over, and I did it. I finished my screenplay. It's good too. I mean, it won't be great until a few months from now when all my meticulous editing can overpower the loose ends creative energy often leaves behind, and after realizing this isn't working, I send it off for some professional help. But I did it. I can now turn my attention back to the relentless pursuit of a literary agent. Yes, the considerably less rewarding task of generating form letters from uninterested agents will once again enter into my life and the happy sleep of creativity and satisfaction will leave through the same door. Had I any idea of my hard work eventually paying off perhaps I would be more eager to continue, but as it is I've been dreading it. Regardless, it is time to press on. I've updated the website, and collected yet more names and addresses of literary agents so that I may subject them to the suggestion that my book is for them, to which they will laugh heartily. Time to restock the freezer with various items of a chocolate base.

On Hiatus

For those of you who have been missing my blog entries lately (Julia, Dad), I should mention that for the entire month of April I have taken off the pursuit of yet more rejections in favor of creative writing. I am participating in ScriptFrenzy (http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/). It's for screenwriters, playwrights, TV writers who want to connect with others in their area who share this interest. The month of April is script writing month, where members commit to 100 pages by the end of the month. Today I am on page 46. Next month I will be back, however. Back into the trenches where shots of insecurity whizz ever so often passed my ears.

Kindly Rejection

I must make a note here that Miriam Altshuler of Miriam Altshuler Literary Agency has sent me the kindest rejection letter that I ever expect to receive. She called me a "talented" and "humorous" writer, and I am very surprised and warmed by the fact that she took time out to reject me in a proper and respectful way. Someday, I would like to work with this woman.

Back On Track

I will admit, I took a little detour there for a few weeks. But, finding that the road of self-pity and over-eating is a sad and lonely one, I have returned with new resolve and a spirit of irrational determination. Yesterday I unleashed a veritable blitz of Query letters, six in one day, and I feel all the accomplishment that certain, yet postponed rejection can possibly allow. I will not be silenced. I refuse all the fleeting emotions of apathy and defeat, and instead I willingly accept the victory I know is hiding somewhere behind all this mess of No's.

Failure Deferred

I give up. I mean really, how much longer am I expected to withstand this constant bludgeoning to my self-esteem? This violent deference, from which I am supposed to glean some kind of constructive criticism. Just as the burning amber of my hope is fanned into a small flame by some show of interest, it is subsequently dowsed with gallons and gallons of icy cold water - snuffed out without any hint of a rekindle (Miriam Altshuler, you broke my heart). Granted, I have only officially received three rejections, but the fourth is on its way, and already, at this very early stage, I almost want to throw my hands up and go back to a life of ambiguity (or return to my life of ambiguity, rather). I know I have to press on, not because anyone is counting on me, but because I can't stand the thought of not succeeding, and as long as I am still engaged in this futile effort, as hopeless as it may be, I have still managed to defer failure.